Master of Disguise

Wow, I officially have 100 reviews. That's almost 101. In honor of this occasion I have decided to review a spectacularly bad movie. A movie by the name of Master of Disguise. So I guess there is no time for delay, this is Master of Disguise.

The movie starts with an explanation that there is a family called the Disguiseys (no I'm not making that up) who have mastered the art of disguise. But the family has retired from that and opened a restaurant, but the father Fabbrizio Disguisey (James Brolin) has never told his son Pistachio (Dana Carvey) of his family's past. Pistachio meets a kid named Barney Baker (Austin Wolff) who seems to like Pistachio's dog. Pistachio doesn't seem to do a good job as a waiter because he constantly wants to mimic the customers. Now here is the first major problem with the movied outside of doing impressions and making faces: Pistachio doesn't have much of a personality. Pistachio comes home one night to find that the his parents are kidnapped. Pistachio passes out. It turns out that the man who kidnapped Pistachio's parents is an old enemy of Fabbrizio by the name of Devlin Bowman (Brent Spiner). Bowman forces Fabbrizio to steal valuable items or else he will kill his wife. Meanwhile, Pistachio's Grandfather (Harold Gould) comes to help Pistachio. Grandfather shows him the Ancient Book of Disguisey which says that the Grandfather can't help. But help doesn't count as teaching Pistachio about absolutely everything he knows about the art of disguise.



But before he can do anything he needs an assistant. So they hold interviews and the applicant they finally choose is the mother of the kid from before, and her name is Jennifer Baker (Jennifer Eposito). Now that everything is ready, this investigation can get underway. Their first clue is a cigar which says it belongs to The Turtle Club. So they need to get into the club, so Pistachio disguises himself as a turtle. Now before I tell you about the following scene, I would like to tell you this was the scene used the most for marketing. But all that really happens in this scene is this: Pistachio repeats the word "Turtle" over and over again. That's basically it. He just says "Turtle", however they do manage to find out the name of the man who kidnapped Pistachio's family. They go to an antique road show where they meet Devlin who invites them to a party he is hosting. Pistachio disguises himself as I don't know….this weird hairy guy….he gets spotted and runs away where he disguises himself as a fisherman. But he gets spotted again and disguises himself as this weird European guy. Meanwhile Jennifer finds out more about Devlin's plan. They both escape and Pistachio drops Jennifer off at home but Jennifer is kidnapped by Devlin's goons.

***SPOILER ALERT STOP HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT THE END RUINED***

Pistachio asks his Grandfather (who can't help him) for help and Pistachio's Grandafther and Barney come up with a plan. Devlin plans to auction off all the items he stole on Evil E-Bay. Pistachio disguises himself as a cherry pie. Devlin sends some ninjas after him but he scares them all away (this is starting to sound like a mad libs). Devlin runs away but it turns out that he dressed Febrizzio as him and Febrizzio thinks he is Devlin, so he attacks Pistachio. Pistachio snaps him out of it and they all go to find Devlin. Devlin is hiding out in Costa Rica and they all anticlimactically defeat him.  The End…..not really because during the credits they play a bunch of deleted scenes, alternate takes, and I don't even know what. But the movie is finally over now. The End.

***SPOILERS OVER KEEP READING***

Wow, that was a bad movie. Pistachio isn't a very interesting character and nither are his multiple personalities. The jokes are over-used and unfunny and the soundtrack is made up of pop songs and music from better movies. The only good thing I have to say is that the costumes he wears do look pretty good. But all I have to say is avoid this movie. This has been my 100th review and I hope to do many more. See you next time.