The Dark Crystal

I recently reviewed Labyrinth. So I will review a similar movie also made by the Jim Henson Company. Time to review The Dark Crystal. Oh, and before I start I couldn't get a cartoon ready in time for my review so there won't be one.

 Years ago on another world a magical crystal cracked and two races came from it, the evil Skeksis and the peaceful Mystics. We meet our main character named Jen (Jim Henson/Stephen Garlcik for the voice). He is a Gelfling and all the other Gelflings where killed by the Skeksis. He was adopted by the Mystics. There is a prophesy that he will find the crystal shard and reunite with the dark crystal. The crystal is supposed to be in the home of a woman named Aughra (Frank Oz/Billie Whitelaw for the voice). So Jen sets out in his quest. Meanwhile the Skeksis emperor has just died. So two of the Skeksis named Chamberlain (Barry Dennen) and General (Michael Kilgarriff) want to be the new emperor so they have a duel and general wins. Chamberlain is banished from the kingdom

General sends some soldiers to destroy Jen. Jen finds Aughra. Aughra tells Jen of an event called the great conjunction that will happen when all three suns (yes this world has three suns) come together. Aughra gives Jen the crystal shard but General's soldiers attack. Jen escapes and the soldiers capture Aughra. Jen escapes into the swamp where he meets Kira (Kathryn Mullen/Lisa Maxwell) the other last living Gelfling. She takes Jen to her home. But the soldiers attack Jen and Kira. But luckily they escape. They come across the ruins of a Gelfling village. Written on the wall is the prophesy of a Gelfling saving the world. They try to get to the Skeksis castle by riding some creatures called the Landstriders. They finally make it to the Skeksis castle.



                ***SPOILER ALERT STOP HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT THE END RUINED***

Chamberlain captures Kira and buries Jen in a landslide. Chamberlain shows Kira to General and General restores Chamberlains honor. Kira is taken to a room to have her life drained. Fortunately, she escapes and Jen catches up. We get the climax in which Kira almost dies, Jen frees Aughra, the Great Cunjunction happens, and Jen reunites the shard with the Dark Crystal. The Skeksis and The Mystics become one and every one lives happily ever after. The End.

                                            ***SPOILERS OVER KEEP READING***



This is a wonderful movie. It is very impressive that all the characters are puppets. The story is very interesting and the world is very creative. The only problem I have is that the opening feels rushed. It's just the narrator talking about the backstory of the world we are in and it doesn't take the time to establish characters. Either that or I'm bad at listening. Other than that I love this movie: you should check it out some time if you haven't seen it.

Singin' in the Rain

Now it is time for a review of a classic movie. I just can't wait to start. So why am I waiting? Time to start.

The movie starts in the 1920s with Two Hollywood movie stars named Don Lockwood (Gene Kelly) and Lina Lamont (Jean Hagen) and there friend Cosmo Brown (Donald O'Connor) going to see there latest silent film The Royal Rascal. After the film on the way to a party Don is attacked by his fans. So he jumps into a car owned by a lady named Kathy Selden (Debbie Reynolds). Kathy drops Don off at the party. At the party a new invention is revealed it is...a movie with talking in it. After the demonstration is done they have some cake but a dancer pops out of the cake and other entertainers come in as well. One of them is Kathy. After the performance is done Kathy gets angry at Don and throws a pie at him. But it hits Lina instead. Three weeks later Don has been searching for Kathy with no success. Cosmo sings the song "Make em Laugh" and then Don and Lina start making a new movie but the head of the studio announces that he wants it to be a talking picture. But just one problem; Lina has a really squeaky voice.


To celebrate Talking pictures they sing the song "Beautiful Girls". Now the Song itself is pretty good but halfway through it turns into a fashion show for some reason. Anyway one of the background dancers in "Beautiful Girls" turns out to be Kathy. So Don tells Kathy that he is in love with her and they sing a song about it. The next day Don and Cosmo are at a speech therapist being given impossible tongue twisters. Then they randomly sing the song "Moses Supposes". After that...insanely fun musical number...the filming of the talking picture starts. But they are having some trouble finding how to use the microphone efficiently. After the filming at the premier the talking picture is a disaster because the audio is out of sync with the movie. That night Cosmo, Don and Kathy come up with a plan to fix the movie before it is shown at other theaters. They will make it a musical. To celebrate they sing the song "Good morning" but there is still the issue of Linas squeaky voice. So they come up with the idea of having Kathy dubbing over Lina. So Don goes home and on the way sings "Singin' in the Rain". This song is amazing not only are the dance moves impressive but just imagine how hard it is to do a song and dance number soaking wet in fake rain.


                  ***SPOILER ALERT STOP HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT THE END RUINED***

They dub over Lina but she finds out and is really angry. It also doesn't help that they are removing her name from the credits and giving Kathy all the credit. So Lina threatens to sue the company if they make her go as uncredited. The head of the company agrees to give her all the credit. The premier of the fixed version of the movie  is a success. The audience even asks Lina to preform "Singin' in the Rain". So they have Lina lip sync and Kathy sing behind the certain. But Don and Cosmo reveal  that Kathy is the real singer and make her famous. Don and Kathy get married and live happily ever after. The End...wait, what exactly happened to Lina? Did she vanish into obscurity? Did she get someone else to dub her over? What happened? Oh whatever. The End.



                                           ***SPOILERS OVER KEEP READING***


This is a great movie. The dancing and songs are great. It has really great costume design as well. It also has a really good sense of comedy. The Only problem I could find is that a lot of the musical numbers come out of nowhere. This is a very classic movie you should see it if you haven't. I will be reviewing The Dark Crystal next.

 DANGEROUS MAN: "WHY WILL NO ONE PICK ME UP?"

Labyrinth

I was going to review the live action Cat in the Hat movie. But I decided to save that for early May. So with out further ado, I give you my review of  Labyrinth.

We start with a girl named Sarah (Jennifer Connelly) who is role-playing or something when a storm starts and she goes home. She has to babysit her baby brother Toby (Toby Froud). But she dosen't like her brother so she tells him a story in which a princess gives her baby brother to a goblin king. Then she says "I wish the goblin king would really take you away". Then sure enough Jareth the Goblin King (David Bowie) comes to take Toby away. Jareth tells Sarah that if she wants her brother back she will have to travel to the goblin castle in the center of the Labyrinth. She comes across a troll named Hoggle (Shari Weiser/Brain Henson for the voice) who shows her around the Labyrinth. Sarah is walking through the Labyrinth by herself when she realizes that she is getting nowhere fast. A caterpillar points her in the right direction. Sarah tries to mark her way by drawing on the ground but that doesn't work because some tiny creatures throw her off the right track. She notices two doors which give her a puzzle. She answers the puzzle but falls down a pit into a cave. Down in the cave is Hoggle. Hoggle show her through the cave but they run into Jareth. Jareth is mad at Hoggle so he sends a giant machine after them. They escape the machine and end up in the garden part of the Labyrinth. But Hoggle hears a monster and runs away.

The monster is actually a harmless creature named Ludo (Rob Mills/Ron Mueck as the voice) who is being tortured by some goblins. Sarah chases the goblins away and frees Ludo. Ludo joins Sarah on her quest. They make it into the forest but Ludo falls down a hole and leaves Sarah alone. Meanwhile Hoggle is ambushed by Jareth who tells Hoggle to give a poison peach to Sarah. Back in The Forest Sarah is ambushed by a bunch of creatures called the Fireys which do a weird song and dance number and jump around. She escapes them and runs into Hoggle. But the floor caves in and they are in the Bog of Eternal Stench. They run into Ludo and a raccoon-dog-rat-thing named Sir Didymus (Dave Goelz/Dave Barclay/David Shaughnessy as the voice). They make it out of the bog and Hoggle gives Sarah the poison peach. Sarah goes to sleep and is transported inside a bubble where a costume party is going on (no comment). She sees a clock which reminds her that she is running out of time to save Toby. So she escapes the bubble and wakes up in a junk yard.




                  ***SPOILER ALERT STOP HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT THE END RUINED***

A strange woman (Denise Bryer) shows Sarah to a replica of her room. The woman starts giving Sarah stuff and she realizes how much she is weighed down by it. So she leaves the junk yard and reunites with Ludo and Sir Didymus. They make it into The Goblin City but they are attacked by a giant robot but Hoggle comes in to save the day. They make their way to the castle and Jareth sends his Goblin army after them. Now I have to admit the fight scene is impressive. especially since you are doing it with puppets. Moving on. They make it to the castle. Sarah goes to face Jareth alone and her friends stay behind to hold off the goblins. We get the climactic battle and Sarah defeats Jareth by saying "You have no power over me"(Don't ask me how that works). Sarah is transported back to the real world and Toby is safe. She decides to leave behind her childhood and fantasy worlds and grow up. The End.........okay fine here is the real ending. She decides to leave behind her childhood and fantasy worlds and grow up. But she still misses her friends from The Labyrinth she thinks she sees them and ask if they can stay Hoggle says "Well why didn't you say so" and Sarah and the creatures of The Labyrinth have a party. The Real End. Now as you may have guessed I have a problem with the ending. It goes against the moral. It would be better if they said "We will always be with you no matter what" it would be corny but it would be better. This doesn't mean I dislike the film. Read below for my final thoughts.


                                                          ***SPOILERS OVER KEEP READING***




I like this movie a lot. The sets and puppets are impressive as well as creative. The Labyrinth is like a cross between all fantasy worlds which makes sense since the world is inside Sarah's mind and she reads a lot of fantasy books. But it goes against its own moral and some scenes like the Bog of Eternal Stench are hard to take seriously. Over all this is a good film. Check it out if you haven't seen it.

MEMBERS OF G.O.O.N. GRAND ORDER OF NUTBALLS

The Lego Movie

The Lego Movie: This does not sound very promising. Well let's see if you can judge a book by it's cover.It's time for my review of The Lego Movie. Just a quick note before I start: I wasn't able to get a cartoon in time for the review so there won't be one.

One day in a far away land a wizard named Vitruvius (Morgan Freeman) is guarding a mysterious weapon called The Kragle (which is just "Krazy Glue"). But The Kragle is stolen by the evil Lord Business (Will Ferrell). Years later a construction worker named Emmet (Chris Pratt) follows his instruction book and goes to work. After a day of work Emmet notices a hooded figure (Elizabeth Banks) sneaking  around the construction site. Emmet follows her but he falls down a pit. At the bottom of the pit Emmet sees a Lego piece and grabs it. He passes out. When Emmet wakes up he is being interrogated by a policeman named Bad Cop and his alter ego Good Cop ( both Liam Neeson). The strange piece is now stuck to Emmet's back. Bad Cop tries to melt Emmet but he is saved by the hooded figure from earlier who introduces herself as Wyldstyle. They end up in The Old West. Meanwhile Lord Business tells Bad Cop that he is disappointed with him. He also tells him that he will use The Kragle to freeze everyone on Tuesday. Also Lord Business erases Bad Cops Good Cop side.

Cloud Cuckoo Land

Back in The Old West they come across the wizard from the beginning. Vitruvius The Wizard enters Emmet's mind and sees the only original thought he has had is a dumb idea for a double decker couch. Vitruvius also tells Emmet that the ruler of the Lego universe is someone called The Man Upstairs. But Bad Cop and the police come and our heroes run away. Our heroes fall off that cliff that Wile E Coyote always falls off of, but they are saved by Batman (Will Arnett) I'm not joking, Batman really does save them. Anyway they make it to a place called Cloud Cuckoo Land where they are greeted by a character known as Unikitty (Alison Brie). Emmet who everyone thinks is the chosen one is told to give a speech. But the speech fails and everyone turns on him. But then police come in and start destroying Cloud Cuckoo Land. Luckily our heroes escape and are joined by Unikitty and a 1980's spaceman named Benny (Charlie Day). They build a submarine and the only thing that Emmet builds inside the sub is a double decker couch. But Lord Business blows up the submarine and the only thing that survives the explosion is the double decker couch which our heroes hid in. They are picked up by a pirate named Metal Beard (Nick Offerman). They make a plan to get into the evil lair. They build a fake space ship to get in. However they don't have a Hyperdrive. But the Star Wars characters pop by and Batman steals a Hyperdrive from them. Okay that was extremely convenient. They build the fake space ship and plan to break into Lord Business's lair.



           ***SPOILER ALERT STOP HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT THE END RUINED***

They make it in. But are captured by Lord Business. Lord Business removes the strange piece attached to Emmets back and throws it and Emmet into the bottomless abyss. Emmet's friends escape and Benny Builds a Spaceship. Lord Business Starts gluing the world into place. Meanwhile Emmet wakes up at the bottom of the abyss and he is in our world. The entire adventure was just a kid (Jadon Sand) playing with Legos. But the kid isn't supposed to play with the Legos because they belong to his father (also Will Ferrell) who collects them. The kid's father starts putting everything back in place. But when he's distracted Emmet gets back to his world. The kid's father sees all the stuff his son built and says he will let him play with the Legos and Emmet convinces Lord Business to not be evil. The End.

                                               ***SPOILERS OVER KEEP READING***




I was surprised with this movie. Even after I saw positive reviews of it I was still skeptical. For one thing it is very self aware that it is based on a bunch of toys. A lot of side characters like Unikitty and Benny are mostly used for comic relief, but that works. Also I like how much attention to detail there is making sure almost everything looks like Lego. However the plot feels rushed at times. They also use some cliches. Some character types are also cliched, for example: Vitruvius = wise old mentor, Wyldstyl = tough girl, Bad Cop = conflicted secondary villain etc. I like The Lego Movie. But if you can't see past the fact that it is kind of just an extended Lego commercial, I totally understand.

Rock-A-Doodle

This time I am reviewing Rock-A-Doodle. It is directed by a man named Don Bluth he is known for excellent animated films like The Secret of NIMH and An American Tail. But he is also known for horrible animated films like A Troll in Central Park and Thumbelina. Let's see where this film is at.

The Grand Duke of Owls

We start on a farm where we meet a rooster named Chanticleer (Glen Campbell) who crows to make the sun come up. After a rock song Chanticleer doesn't crow but the sun comes up with out him. The other animals reject Chanticleer. But then it all gets stormy and gives this movies villain The Grand Duke of Owls (Christopher Plummer) the perfect moment to strike. But it turns out that this part of the story is part of a book a live action mother is reading to her son Edmond (Toby Scott Ganger). But outside Edmond's house there is a huge storm. Edmond's family goes out and they tell him to stay inside to be safe. Edmond wants to help so he tries shouting out the window for Chanticleer to come and help. But instead of Chanticleer he gets The Duke of Owls. The Duke is angry for Edmond calling for his arch enemy.  So  The Duke turns Edmond into a cartoon kitten  using his magical breath (no comment). He also turns the world into a cartoon. I'm guessing he did this because they didn't have enough money in the budget for a live action animation hybrid. The Duke leaves and the other animals from Chanticleer's farm come in. They tell Edmond they where wrong to reject Chanticleer and that he did make the sun go up. So wait why did the sun go up with out him that one time? Did the sun drink a cup of coffee and wake up without any help from the rooster? Anyway moving on. Edmond and some of the farm animals head to the city where Chanticleer is. After being attacked by some of The Dukes henchmen they make it to the city.

I can't take this image seriously

Now let me explain something weird about the city. All the people are animals. So either Edmond lives next to a city of animals or the humans turned into animals when The Duke animated the universe...my brain hurts. Let's just move on. So they find Chanticleer who is now a singer who impersonates Elvis. Wow that sounded a lot less weird in my head. But Chanticleers boss Pinky (Sorrell Booke) works for The Duke. So Pinky gets another performer named Goldie (Ellen Greene) to keep Chanticleer away from his friends. During one of Chanticleers performances Edmond and the gang give Chanticleer a letter saying that they need him to crow to make the sun come back up. But Goldie distracts Chanticleer before he can read the letter. Goldie and Chanticleer sing a love song and Edmond tries to talk to Chanticleer. But Pinky catches Edmond and company. However one of The Dukes henchmen named Hunch (Charles Nelson Reilly) tries to finish them off but ends up freeing them. Now before I move on I must say most of Hunch's dialog is just the word annihilation which can be annoying at times.


             ***SPOILER ALERT STOP HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT THE END RUINED***

Goldie tells Chanticleer about his friends and they catch up to them. They escape the city and head to the farm. We get the climax in which The Duke tranforms into a giant tornado (wait what) and Chanticleer defeats him crowing. But then...it was just all a dream that Edmond had. Wait. A kid on a farm goes on an amazing adventure but but all turns out to be a dream...this is ripping off some classic movie...what was it...The Wizard of Ooze The Wizard of Claws now I know...The Wizard of Oz. Anyway it was all just a dream. The En...Wait Chanticleer pops out of the book and takes Edmond with him. Edmond turns into a blue screen effect and they sing one final musical number then we cut to credits. The End

                                   ***SPOILERS OVER KEEP READING***





Now for what I think of this movie. The kid playing Edmond isn't a very good at acting and the songs are forgettable. Also some of the characters are very annoying and the plot is a bit confusing. But the animation is nice and some of the slapstick is funny. Overall I didn't really like the movie. But the guy who directed this has done worse (I'm looking at you A Troll in Central Park).

REJECTED HORROR MOVIE #5: NIGHT OF THE LIVING BOWL