So since it is close to Easter I was going to review The Easter Parade. But I ran out of time so I am reviewing The Cat in the Hat. It is based on a book of the same name by Dr. Seuss. I recommend the book, it's pretty good. But is the movie just as good? Lets find out.
We start in the city of Anville (get it? It's a pun) where we see a woman named Joan Walden (Kelly Preston) working at a hand sanitizer factory. Her boss tells her that she is hosting the company office party at her house so she needs to keep it as clean as possible. Back at her house we meet her children, Sally (Dakota Fanning) and Conrad (Spencer Breslin). Conrad is a trouble maker and sally is a control freak. Joan leaves to go to the store and hires a stereotype to baby sit. The babysitter falls asleep but then The "Cat" in the Hat (Mike Myers) shows up. If you're wondering why I put the word cat in quotation marks, it is because he looks more like Ronald McDonald if he got fur glued to him. Which is pretty scary. After he shows up...stuff happens...nothing important, just stuff.
He gets the children to sign a contract of fun and he films an infomercial. But then he sings a horrible song, and after it ends he ruins Conrad and Sally's mother's dress. So to clean it he opens a box and Thing one and Thing two (both played by Dan Castellaneta) come out. You know how I said the cat was terrifying: well, they are even worse. They look like psychotic humanoid hippos. All they do is wreck the house. Conrad unlocks the box that the things came in. But the lock attaches itself to the family dog and it escapes out the window. So the kids, The Cat, and the things go after it in the cats crazy car. But their neighbor chases after them.
***SPOILER ALERT STOP HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT THE END RUINED***
They get the dog and hide from the neighbor inside a kiosk where a party is going on (no comment). Once they make it home it turns out that the power of the box has transformed the house into a Dr. Seuss wonderland. Then they say a line that is just unforgivable. It goes like this: Conrad: "This is just like an amusement park." The Cat: "You Mean like at (turns to camera) Universal Studios. (winks)"...The Cat just directly advertised Universal Studios. Do I need to say what is wrong with that? Anyway they close the box. But the house is still a mess. But luckily, The Cat cleans it up. Joan gets home, the party is a success and The Cat goes on his jolly way. The End.
***SPOILERS OVER KEEP READING***
This movie is awful. It totally disrespects the book and Dr. Seuss. There is no plot, it's just random stuff happening that the writers hope you think is funny. There is a lot of unnecessary stuff like the fish is pointlessly added and the neighbour has a really big role and so much other pointless stuff. None of the jokes are funny. Mike Myers doesn't portray The Cat as a fun loving eccentric cat. He portrays him as a manipulative cat that will do anything to have things go his way. The only good thing about it is that the set design is very nice. But that is not enough to save this movie. The Cat in the Hat (book) isn't a masterpiece but it does have a lot of heart and its own unique charm. But this is just plain....I can't even think of words to describe how awful this movie is.. This movie is so bad that Dr. Seuss's widow, Audrey Geisel, forbids anymore live action adaptations of her husband's work. Every other adaptation of Dr. Seuss's work is a better representation of him. My final statement is this: avoid this movie at all costs. Next time I am reviewing The Easter Parade, I promise.
JENERAL JITTERY: THE JITTERYIST JENRAL IN ALL OF JITTERSBERG
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