Conquest of the Planet of the Apes

Well recently I have been thinking of sequels to review and then I realized I haven't reviewed a Planet of the Apes movie in a while so let's see. Again as usual, when I review sequels there will be spoilers for the previous movies. So let's travel to the distant year of 1991 where I will review Conquest of the Planet of the Apes.

We open in the futuristic 1991 where we find that Armando (Ricardo Montalban) is taking Milo (Roddy McDowell) to the big city. We find out that in the 80's a plague wiped out all cats and dogs leaving no pets for humans. So they took in apes as pets, but soon realized how easy they are to train and slowly they ended up using them as waiters, librarians, barbers, and other jobs humans normally do. OK I know we just started but there are two plot holes in the movie already. One, why would they choose apes as pets? In the last movie the humans find out that apes will take over the world and even if they got rid of Corneilius and Zira, they said the apes took over the planet on their own. Secondly this should be really bad because humans would be losing jobs. In fact the movie points this one out when we see a group of people protesting the apes. Milo accidentally speaks but runs away and Armando goes after him. They catch up and Armando says he will explain what happened to the police and if he doesn't return by night fall, he should blend in with the other apes.

I don't remember reading this about 1991

Armando is held in custody so Milo hides with the other apes where he is taken to a training facility. At the training facility the apes are trained to do tasks such as pour a pitcher of water, clean, and cook. Now I will take another break to talk about yet another plot hole. Why would the government spend millions of dollars on training apes to do tasks that humans can easily do with out costing millions? That aside, Milo is bought by the governor Breck (Don Murray) and his assistant Mr. MacDonald (Hari Rohdes) where they choose the name Caesar for him (I guess I'll just call him Caesar from now on). Caesar is given a job in a government facility where he sorts files. Meanwhile Armando is being interrogated and they use a truth telling machine, but Armando tries to escape and ends up falling out of the window to his death. Caesar finds out about this and  decides to plan an ape uprising.

***SPOILER ALERT STOP HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT THE END RUINED***

 Caesar starts by getting the apes to mess up small tasks. Breck starts to realize what is going on so he decides to have the apes that messed up returned to the training facility including Caesar. But Caesar escapes from the police and frees all the othet apes. Breck orders all civilians to go indoors while the police deal with the apes. But the apes overwhelm the police and break into the government building and capture Breck and MacDonald. Now this is where I assumed the movie was over the apes take over the city and plan to take over the world, but it's not. The last several minuets of the film are Caesar giving this long speech telling MacDonald how the apes will take over the world. Then you think it is over but then he changes his mind and has another speech about how instead of killing all humans they will just enslave them. OK anymore speeches? Good we're done. The End.

***SPOILERS OVER KEEP READING***

Wow that was bad. The biggest problem here is the plot makes zero sense, why would anybody with common sense think using apes as servants is a good idea? The actor playing Governor Breck is rather over the top in some parts and is it me or is the ape make up getting worse as these films go on. On the plus side the acting is pretty good espacially from Roddy McDowell and Hari Rohdes. But even with that, avoid this movie and as of right now this has been the worst Planet of the Apes movie I have seen. See you next time and thanks for reading.

Top Ten Worst Sequels

Well I feel like my Top Ten lists have focused too much on the positive. So I guess a negative one only seems logical. The rules are simple: it has to be a movie sequel that I think is bad or unnecessary. So let's see the worst of the worst with the Top Ten Worst Sequels.



10 Jurassic Park: The Lost World
The original Jurassic Park was a fun adventure everyone loved. Everyone wanted to see a sequel, and then regretted asking for it in the first place. You don't really care about the characters, it's way too long and of course there is this forced environmental message about saving the dinosaurs....wait aren't we supposed to be afraid of the dinosaurs?










9 Cars 2
The first Cars wasn't the best of Pixar but it wasn't the worst. This however is the worst of Pixar. The main character Mater is very annoying, there are very few funny jokes and the plot about super spies and saving the world seems out of place compared to the plot of the first movie. But I will give it this, the animation is nice.









8 Son of the Mask
OK so I haven't actually seen the original "The Mask" but honestly, from what I know about it I don't think I need to. It has very little to do with the first movie and a lot of the cartoon gags are actually very terrifying. Not to mention that the main character seems very uninteresting.










7 The Neverending Story 3
While the first movie was great and the second was passable, this one is awful. None of the original cast is there, the puppets in this film are a major downgrade and all of the character are nothing like I remember them being.












6 Rocky IV
You know how the first Rocky was a great underdog story sports film, remember how rooted in reality it was? Well this one has a robot and a "Super Boxer". Yeah, what ruins this movie is how silly it is, I mean the boxer Rocky is fighting like a character you meet in a video game.








5 Baby Geniuses 2: Superbabies
Like Son of the Mask this doesn't really connect other than, "look badly lip syncing babies".  It's not as bad as the first one but still the bad effects and the bad acting (to be fair babies aren't really cut out to be actors) make this a very painful film to watch.











4 Hoodwinked Too (no that's not a typo)
So the first Hoodwinked was surprisingly good with it's original premise and some funny moments. But this one isn't as funn:  the characters are nothing like you remember and there are a lot of tired cliches. But at least the animation is better than it was in the first movie.










3 Inspector Gadget 2
The first movie was awful. Why would you want to make a sequel? The CGI in this movie is way too cartoonish and the actor playing Inspector Gadget is very annoying. It is nothing like the cartoon it is based on, so please do your self a favor and don't watch this one.












2 Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
By this point I thought that At Worlds End was the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie. But they got this one to see if any one was still interested in the series. The movie has way too many characters that need more development, I had a hard time understanding the plot, and it is way too long for me to pay attention to.












1 Beneath the Planet of the Apes
Planet of the Apes is a classic with it's awesome story and amazing ape makeup. This however is a major downgrade. Charlton Heston's character doesn't have enough screen time and instead we fallow around this less interesting version of his character. The movie repeats a lot of scenes from the first film that aren't as impressive because you've already seen them. And don't get me started on the underground society of mutants.




Well that was the worst sequels of all time. So please do yourself a favor and don't watch these movies. Let me know if you agree with my list or what you would have liked to see on the list. See you next time everybody.